Man, I don't really know what is up with me...I am feeling kind of blue and I am in a really funky mood! I think its because school just ended and I am still not sure where I will be working. I know that I should just trust the universe that I will end up in the right place with the right people but I am not really feeling all that much trust today! The whole situation seems like one HUGE inconvenience to me! Its been a weird year with a lot of weird lessons. Some of the very people who talk about how much they love and care about you are the ones that really needed to be watched. I am feeling the "Trust No One" thing BIG TIME today.....and I normally have such a positive attitude too...
Well, I guess ya can't be all things to all people all of the time! I will just have to feel how I am feeling and live with it. I only posted this because it is EXACTLY during times and feelings like these that make me want to go outside, light up and smoke at people or smoke to "stuff" my emotions. My commitment to myself for the day is I am going to behave like an adult....I do not have to do stupid things or say stupid things. I can just feel how I am feeling and know I am not gonna die because it is unpleasant. This type of feeling is exactly why I am an addict. I will do just about anything to avoid feeling bad. I am more centered in reality because I know I don't have to feel good all of the time and negative feelings and situations will pass. Besides, I saw my sister yesterday and when she came inside after just smoking a cigarette, boy did she stink! I do not want to smell like that again! It was really gross!
Thats all for now. I need to think about what I can do to go out and get my mind onto other things.