Man, I don't really know what is up with me...I am feeling kind of blue and I am in a really funky mood! I think its because school just ended and I am still not sure where I will be working. I know that I should just trust the universe that I will end up in the right place with the right people but I am not really feeling all that much trust today! The whole situation seems like one HUGE inconvenience to me! Its been a weird year with a lot of weird lessons. Some of the very people who talk about how much they love and care about you are the ones that really needed to be watched. I am feeling the "Trust No One" thing BIG TIME today.....and I normally have such a positive attitude too...
Well, I guess ya can't be all things to all people all of the time! I will just have to feel how I am feeling and live with it. I only posted this because it is EXACTLY during times and feelings like these that make me want to go outside, light up and smoke at people or smoke to "stuff" my emotions. My commitment to myself for the day is I am going to behave like an adult....I do not have to do stupid things or say stupid things. I can just feel how I am feeling and know I am not gonna die because it is unpleasant. This type of feeling is exactly why I am an addict. I will do just about anything to avoid feeling bad. I am more centered in reality because I know I don't have to feel good all of the time and negative feelings and situations will pass. Besides, I saw my sister yesterday and when she came inside after just smoking a cigarette, boy did she stink! I do not want to smell like that again! It was really gross!
Thats all for now. I need to think about what I can do to go out and get my mind onto other things.
Peace,
Diva
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5 comments:
Man, you scare me sometimes. I could've written this post.
I was going through some kind of depression thing the last week -- I imagined myself into a corner and the whole world was plotting against me. Of course they weren't but I felt like I had nothing all of a sudden.
Weird, huh.
Oh and as for the smoking -- well -- yesterday we went out drinking and I took a drag of someone's cigarette. The first in 2 months.
I'm not gonna lie, it tasted good -- BUT I have no longing for them -- thank god.
Yesterday was gay pride in our neck of the woods and I was talking to a photographer who REEKED of old stale cigarettes. It was nauseating.
Hang in there, Diva!
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I am sorry I haven't had a chance to post lately...hubby is aLWAYS on comp. and i've been so busy at work I haven't had time to catch up.
pretty much everyone that was quitting with me except me and one other girl has went back to smoking. it SUCKS. But I can't AFFORD to do it, got that car payment now.
At least hubby sneaks them. I don't say much.
ok gonna hit your other posts before I get booted off comp
Jude, I miss seeing your blogs and comments! Keep the faith, ya never know when someone is gonna be ready!
Tina, I am not sure if I am being overly paranoid or just overly emotional. Whatever it is, I am glad I am not feeling it today! Sounds like your feeling better too!
Maggie,
You aways post something nice even if I sound like a lunatic! I am glad I know ya!
Love,
Diva
Nice post..I like your blog.smoking causes lung cancer.smoking cigarette contain carcinogen,nicotine is responsible for lung cancer.
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